Do you know me? I mean really know me? I can tell you this, I am a loving and loyal person. Always have been, always will be. I hope that if you really know me, you know that that really indeed is how I am. I tell my friends all the time that I love them, and I mean it! I certainly do not tell people to be nice or make them feel good. I tell them because I really honestly do love them. I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I feel for all the wonderful amazing friends and family in my life.
That is not new news to me, and if you have known me a while, it really should not be new news to you. Sometimes I think it is just silly how loving and loyal I am to people. There are very few people in this world who I no longer love or are loyal to. And if you have known me for oh say 15 years or more, you can name at least one of those people. ;)
I do notice one big change in my life recently. I am so disorganized now, it drives me crazy! I feel like I am STILL trying to adjust to being a working mom. Granted, my life recently has really really taken some twists and turns that have put me in self-preservation mode.
Nowadays when I picture Hubby and myself, for some odd reason I picture us as Meerkats, and we are just starting to stick our heads up out of our hole (and also for some odd reason we are wearing Safari hats). Starting last May-ish, we had started to retreat towards our hole, be in it more and not come out as much. And if we did, we did't go far. Then starting in around September, we really crawled into our hole and stayed in there as much as possible for a long time. Now I think we are starting to poke our heads out again, and if we do come out, we don't go far from the safety of our hole. We are really in self-preservation/conservation mode. I think everyone goes through times like this in their lives. I must say, this is our first and it's odd, and we are navigating day by day. And we certainly are not through this book/chapter of our lives and we know there are still twists and turns lying ahead. This we know for sure.
There are many wishes I have, and maybe someday they will come true, for most of them are not unrealistic. But at this time, they aren't happening (for example I would really like to rip up my carpet and get hardwood floors in my house).
And I want to apologize to anyone of our friends or family who have felt slighted or left out in anyway. Nothing is intentional, trust me. In many ways for many reasons, it is a battle for us to get through day by day.
I just feel like our life has been so turbulent the last few months that we haven't been ourselves, and therefore I really feel the need to apologize. I can not explain why I feel this great need, maybe because I am so loving and loyal... Maybe because I am usually the friend who doesn't miss much, but nowadays I miss a lot... Please just know that my love for all of you has not diminished nor decreased, I am just trying to find my way on this new path and it is confusing the heck out of me.
Love you all, more than you will ever know!!!
